Christmas Stories Read online

  Santa laughed again, “No, Gwen. I’m so sorry to have scared you. I’m not retiring. I’m just asking for your help. I have no idea what to give Mrs. Claus for Christmas this year. We’ve been married for hundreds of years, and I love her more today than I did on our wedding day! But I’ve given her so many things that I’m out of ideas! And she deserves the best gifts in the world! I could not make Christmas happen without her!”

  The elves started shouting out ideas. “Jewelry!” said one. “Perfume!” said another. “New glasses!” yelled a third elf. Santa nodded at each suggestion, but it was clear that none of these things were quite right.

  Then Brandon, the coolest elf of them all raised his hand.

  “Yes, Brandon?” Santa said. “You have a gift idea?”

  “No, sir,” Brandon said. “But I think Gwen does.”

  Gwen squirmed shyly, worried that everyone was looking at her and she was going to mess this up. But she was brave, too, and she said, “Well, Mrs. Claus works so hard. She takes care of all of us, all the time. Without us even asking. What I think she probably would like the most is a vacation. Somewhere warm, I think. Where people take care of her like she always takes care of us!”

  Santa smiled warmly and said, “That’s absolutely perfect, Gwen! Thank you! I’ll take her to Hawaii! To a spa! We’ll leave tomorrow!”

  The elves were all stunned into silence. But Gwen raised her hand to get Santa’s attention again.

  “Yes,” said the big guy in red.

  “Tomorrow,” Gwen said, “Well, tomorrow is Christmas Eve.”

  Santa said, “Of course it is. Why do you mention it?” All the elves laughed and then Santa figured it out and he laughed, too. “Ho ho ho! Of course. I’ll be a tad busy tomorrow. We’ll leave the next day! We’ll all go! All of us elves!”

  The elves all cheered! Everyone, including Mrs. Claus, deserves a little time off now and again.

  Christmas Jokes

  Q: Why does Santa go down the chimney?

  A: Because it soots him!

  Q: What do snowmen like most about going to school?

  A: Snow and tell!

  Q: What’s Santa called when he takes a rest while delivering presents?

  A: Santa Pause!

  Q: When is a good time for Santa to visit?

  A: Anytime!

  Q: What songs do Santa’s elves sing to him when he comes home freezing on Christmas night?

  A: Freeze a jolly good fellow!

  Q: Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas Party?

  A: He had no body to go with!

  Q: How did the chickens dance at the Christmas party?

  A: Chick to chick!

  Q: Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?

  A: Santa Jaws!

  Q: Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas?

  A: Because they both have sandy claws!

  Q: Why did Rudolph wear sunglasses at the beach?

  A: He didn’t want to be recognized!

  Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

  A: Snowflakes!

  Q: What did they call Santa after he lost his pants?

  A: Saint Knickerless!

  Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?

  A: North Polish!

  Q: What can Santa give away and still keep?

  A: A cold!

  Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?

  A: Fleece Navidad!

  Q: Where does Frosty the Snowman keep his money?

  A: In the snowbank!

  Q: Why is it so cold at Christmas?

  A: Because it’s in Decembrrr!

  Q: What is Tarzan’s favorite Christmas song?

  A: Jungle bells!

  Q: What’s Scrooge’s favorite Christmas game?

  A: Mean-opoly!

  Q: How does Santa Claus take pictures?

  A: With his North Pole-aroid!

  Q: What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa as they were looking out the window?

  A: Looks like rain dear (reindeer)!

  Q: Which reindeer has the worst manners?

  A: Rude-olph!

  Q: What does Santa call that reindeer with no eyes?

  A: No-eyed-deer!

  Q: What was the hairdresser’s favorite Christmas song?

  A: Oh Comb All Ye Faithful!

  Q: Who delivers cat Christmas presents?

  A: Santa Claws!

  Q: What is red then white and red then white?

  A: Santa rolling down a snowy hill!

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  About the Author

  Arnie Lightning is a dreamer. He believes that everyone should dream big and not be afraid to take chances to make their dreams come true. Arnie enjoys writing, reading, doodling, and traveling. In his free time, he likes to play video games and run. Arnie lives in Mississippi where he graduated from The University of Southern Mississippi in Hattiesburg, MS.

  Check out more at: www.ArnieLightning.com

  Copyright © 2014 by Hey Sup Bye Publishing.

  All rights reserved. This book is a work of fiction. No part of this book or this book as a whole may be used, reproduced, or transmitted in any form or means without written permission from the publisher.

  Graphics and images used in this book are licensed and © Dollar Photo Club

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